Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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