You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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