WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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