I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
