weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
