There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
