I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize