I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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