I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
