hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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