Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
