i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
