How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
