Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
