$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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