I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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