Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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