ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
