I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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