Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
