talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
