wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
