ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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