lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
