he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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