Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I had to cum in my sink.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
