it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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