You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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