Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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