I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
