first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
