There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my shit smells like andre
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
