no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
