My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
