I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
