As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
