Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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