You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
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you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
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I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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