okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
