you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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