Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
