im drinking this country out of the recession.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
