Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my being single is dangerous.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
