actually, I'm a sock model
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
