Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
