haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
