some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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