So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
