Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
