rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
