I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
