i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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