wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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