He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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