I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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