He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
