too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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