'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
