I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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