Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
