tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014