Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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