I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
