Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
