yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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