he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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