If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
