Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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