We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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