I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i will never coherently bang her
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
