sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
